Ode to Jamey

I read two articles today, back to back, that gave me hope that we are moving in a progressive direction, then crushed my sense that humanity, as a whole, is even capable of empathy.

The first was about an Army Officer who came out today commemorating the end of the don't ask, don't tell policy. The 26 year veteran, Lt. Colonel says the biggest relief is that he will no longer have to deflect when asked questions as simple as, "What did you do this weekend?" It will, as he says, "take some getting used to." The eighteen year policy that codified the marginalizing of gays in the military, as of 12:01 today is history. We will look back on the policy and the general rule which preceded it and ask ourselves, what were we thinking? As the president said upon signing the repeal of DADT, "We are not a nation that says, 'don't ask, don't tell,' we are a nation that says, 'out of many, one.'" We have taken a stand on our national identity, our moral identity, and we are on the right side of history. The side that arcs toward Justice. Amen, hallelujah, and pass the biscuits.

Then, perusing Facebook, I found an article from Buffalonews.com. But before I get into that, please allow me to introduce to you, Jamey:

 

I didn't know Jamey. Were it not for the terrible tragedy that occurred on Sunday, I never would have read his name or shed a tear, grappling to understand his plight. Jamey was a gay teen, bullied from the fifth grade for being different, even before he could grasp the full complexity of his difference from other boys. I know nothing more about Jamey's emotional state than what was described in the article, troubled. I know nothing about Jamey's mental state. I know nothing about Jamey's relationships with others. Experience tells me that those who are closest tend to lionize the departed, but reading his mother's words and his friends' it seems like Jamey was really a nice person. 

Bullying is so stupid. It's juvenile and petty, but its effects can be devastating, especially to a heart that is already troubled, already struggling with internal battles for identity. Jamey was fourteen when he apparently took his own life.

What factor the bullying was in Jamey's decision, we will never know. The fact is, it didn't help hm. He had his demons and the bullying fed those demons, or it was the worst of them, or it was one small fish in an ocean of pain. What is certain is that pain could have been avoided with empathy, compassion. Jamey would have had fewer demons to fight, or allies to help him. Allies to guide him towards acceptance and understanding. I grieve for the boy in a way as though he was my closest relative. Here's hoping his family finds some comfort. RIP, Jamey.

My letter to the school

Dear Principal _____________,

I was concerned to learn that my son was handed a copy of the New Testament of the Christian Bible after school today. He was given this while exiting the gate and lining up to board the school bus to come home. To this end the gentleman, who I believe was representative of Gideon's International based on the copy my child was given, may not have broken any law, but I do have concerns about his actions.

I find the tactics of the Gideon unsavory, to say the least. While the Gideon was not on school grounds he was blocking the students' access to the buses, so they had no choice to ignore him before boarding. My son reported that the man put the orange book into his hand before he could ask what it was, then refused to take it back when he didn't want it. Further, I have taught my children, as many parents have, not to receive gifts from strangers. The content or intent of that gift notwithstanding, for a Gideon to aggressively hand my child something without my permission, teaches my child to ignore parental guidance and favor the guidance of a stranger who has best intentions in mind. Finally, I am certain there are safety rules that ensure students are not distracted while boarding the bus, that their school materials are put away so they may use their hands to assist them and prevent an accident. If a Gideon is making his way through the students, be it on a city sidewalk, that directly conflicts with safety rules.

For purposes of safety and to prevent the proselytizing of a captive audience, I hope that the Gideon is not acting with your permission. As such I am asking that you contact Gideons International and ask them not to distribute bibles at Rio Vista, citing school safety regulations. Should the Gideons protest I would like for you to contact the city regarding the sidewalk in front of the school where the buses pick up and drop of students, work with the Gideons to establish an acceptable area on public property that does not interfere with school operations, like boarding a bus. Also that you establish with them firm guidelines for students who do not wish to receive their wares. Lastly, on the off chance that the Gideons are acting with your permission I ask that you rescind that permission, in writing, immediately. If you choose not to rescind that permission, I would ask that you research religious organizations that distribute free literature from at least three other non-Christian sects and invite them to pass out their religious texts to bus riders who can't refuse them, providing equal time for all sects.

I am well supportive of the religious and speech rights the Gideons exercise; however, from the sound of it their expression may be infringing on the students' rights, which we can both agree is unacceptable. I look to you as the administrator of our school to enforce safety rules and protect the rights of the children under your care. I thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you as to how we will proceed.

Best Regards,

Al Rodriguez 

HER-story: The Story So Far

March, 2011 is Women's History Month. The theme this year, Our History is Our Strength, looks back to the accomplishments of women in the past. It celebrates achievements and reclaims accomplishments that have been ignored, disdained or denied. Learn about the tenacity, courage and creativity of women throughout the ages to find strength, to find role models for everyone.

I have a complicated relationship with national anything months. I agree with their goals, in general. I am a willing and happy participant. Many ... History Months are an admission of guilt, however. We, as a culture have overlooked major contributions by members of a suspect class either through sheer ignorance or outright malice. Though I can't claim to be a participant in the whitewashing of history (no pun intended), I share that collective guilt which I'm not certain is a proper motivation for highlighting and celebrating accomplishments. Further, these celebrations often conceal the fact that though we take steps toward equality, progress is difficult to measure and often backward momentum is overlooked.

So while we rightly study the struggles of women in history qua Women in History, it is also worthwhile to look at the current state of affairs. With that goal in mind I submit the following information about the state of gender equality in the US:

• For equivalent work women average $0.80 to a man's $1.00
  
• Both houses of Congress are represented by 17% women
  
• There are 89 countries with a higher percentage of women legislators (US rank: 72)
  
• Rwanda has 56% women in their lower house alone
  
• Countries where we claim to be nation building, Iraq and Afghanistan, have more women representatives
  
• Countries where we have identified human rights concerns, Cuba and China, have more women representatives
  
• Less than 5% of Fortune 500 companies are run or owned by women
  
• 7% of top grossing Hollywood films are directed by women
  
• 10% of Hollywood films are written by women

Ask yourself, do the accomplishments of Hillary Rodham Clinton or Nancy Pelosi, monumental as they are, really show that much progress against such a yardstick? The fact that they stand out so much indicates that we may not be making the strides toward equality with which we credit ourselves. This concern is amplified when we turn our attention to the regress we've seen lately:

• The 2010 midterm election saw the first drop in women legislators since 1979
  
• HR 3, if passed would not only reinforce existing policy on abortion funding, but redefine "rape" so as to further restrict access to legal abortions
  
• HR 217, if passed would prohibit Title X funds from being granted to any organization that pays directly or otherwise funds providers that perform abortion services. Planned Parenthood, which already segregates goverment funding from their abortion services (less than 2% of their operations) would receive ZERO DOLLARS to cover contraceptives, pelvic exams, breast exams, safer-sex counseling, and basic infertility counseling
  
• HR 358, if passed, would prevent funds from the Affordable Care Act from covering any health plan that provides abortion services

Worse, (only because legislation meant to restrict access to women's health services but would functionally increase unsafe, unsanitary abortions stands little to no chance of passing) we give equal attention, equal praise, to the likes of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin as the aforementioned Clinton and Pelosi. Let me be clear, Palin and Bachmann are dunderheads who lack the basic knowledge in reading, math, geography, history, poli sci, and law required for the leadership roles they have/had.

So as we celebrate generations of accomplishment and progress, let's do so with awareness. Progress is slow and it is up to us to make it go faster. If we want our daughters to be as successful as our sons we need to fix wage disparities. We need to remove from office any representative who thinks he/she knows better about personal health decisions. And for the love of all things we must not--MUST NOT be guilted into thinking the Palins and the Bachmanns are role models. Anyone who quits the job with which the people of her state trusted her, for a reality show, is no role model.