Top Ten Benefits of Texas Secession

Rick Perry is a Backpedaling Prat

On the issue of secession, Texas governor Rick Perry is backpedaling prat. Here’s the evidence. You're right, Governor Perry, it was your critics who, “recast [your] defense of federalism and fiscal discipline into advocacy for secession from the Union.” Except for this:



Translation: We’ll keep taking federal money, but if they keep telling us how to spend it, we’re outta here!

Rick Perry has since asked for federal oppression in the form Tamiflu, for H1N1 preparedness, but that is neither here nor there. I, for one, wouldn’t mind if these idle threats, these misreadings of the joint merger document admitting Texas into the union (or it’s RE-admission following the Civil War) were acted upon. Please, Governor Perry, direct the state government to draw up articles of secession. The rest of us will enjoy the...

TOP TEN BENEFITS OF TEXAS SECESSION

10. Just a suggestion... Ron Paul v. Rick Perry in a “Beat It” style knife fight for executive control of the new Republic.
9. Mexican drug cartels forming alliances with Texas prison gangs? Eees no my job!
8. Cries of “Remember the Alamo!” will be replaced by, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!”
7. The United States would finally have a compelling reason to build a wall along the borders of NM, OK, AR and LA.
6. Finally we can laugh at those Jack in the Box “Texicans” ads without all the bitching.
5. “Don’t Mess with Texas” bumper stickers will be considered declarations of war, giving Americans legal authority to bash king cab trucks and SUVs into oblivion.
4. They can teach Intelligent Design aaaaaallllll they want.
3. $38.39 billion in stimulus funding??? California, here we come!
2. All of professional sports’ most obnoxious teams will now be foreign; therefore, contemptible. I wonder if we can get the Yankees, Eagles and Red Wings to move to Plano?
1. If’n anyone comes at me with drawl, I’m asking for his green card.

In all seriousness, Governor Perry will someday run for president of the Unites States. You read it here first. Let’s make sure to keep him honest and not allow him to pander to his base in order to pocket votes. The tenth amendment is serious business and every state should have some sort of affirmation of it if any of them do. It should not be taken as political opportunism in concert with ridiculous protests against tax policies that favor nearly 100% of the protesters. You can’t, Mr. Perry, stoke the flames of secession one day and flip-flop once you learn that only HALF of your base supports it the next. Texas, I kid because I love. Do the right thing and boot this guy out next year. End his political aspirations of being president of anything but the Paint Creek Churches Association.