The Guano Reports

The Guano Reports are a series of updates to the ever-growing list of people, politicians and other public figures, who are just lucid enough to have a conversation, but definitely live in a world of their own creation.

Michele Bachmann (R-MN)

Michele Bachmann exploded onto the Batshit Watchlist in 2008, despite having opposed the College Cost Reduction and Access Act the previous year. Her opposition was no more than regurgitated conservative talking points and was worth a blip on the radar, but not more than that. In 2008, however, Bachmann jumped to the forefront of the Guano Report and continues to deliver fresh poo to this day. First was her liberal stance on the contentious issue of choice. I’m referring of course to the choice of light bulbs. In 2008, Mrs. Bachmann introduced the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act which would:

provide for the repeal of the phase out of incandescent light bulbs unless the Comptroller General makes certain specific findings.

Damn straight! Nothing is more American than incandescent bulbs. Why, to lose them would be to lose a part of our culture. After all, wasn’t it an American (Thomas Edison) who invented the light bulb when he drew a portrait of himself having an idea?

While one kooky bill is enough to get your name on the Batshit Watchlist, full fledged Guano Reports require much more evidence. I present the following:



Please see the full interview here where she channels the grim specter of Joseph McCarthy in calling then candidate Barack Obama “anti-American.” She calls on the media to do an exposé on Congress to find out which members are “pro-America and which ones are anti-America.” Here's a hint, any liberal Democrat (or moderate Republican) would be counted as anti-America. WTF?!? How many of them are card carrying members of the Communist Party, Madame Congresswoman? To her credit, it wasn’t Michele Bachmann who said she had a list of secret socialists (that distinction goes to Bachus-and again liberal = socialist = anti-America), but holy crap!

Then there’s this gem:



With a patented politician grin on her face, Bachmann declares that not all cultures or values are equal. First, statements of cultural equivalence, or values equivalence, are absurd because we don’t score or assign merit to them. On some level, however, she has a point. I consider myself, in her terms, a multiculturalist, but I would never celebrate a cultural practice that mutilates an infant's genitalia (female or male). Neither would I celebrate values that are based in fear and radical superstition, like the Taliban or fundamentalist Christianity. But that’s not what she’s talking about. She is specifically answering a question about cultural assimilation. Her answer discusses emigration and requires immediate subordination of incoming cultures to the host. Anything less and the host culture loses its identity, as she describes happens in France. Forget for a moment that such an analysis can’t be found in any sociology textbook, but the very idea of “assimilate... resistance is futile,” is grotesquely xenophobic (on that note please submit any Mark Krikorian droppings for GR review). Not only does she misrepresent the European riots, which were about real civil issues and youths that were killed in what they thought was a police chase, she uses it to take a culture war stab at Islam. Her answer intimates that the Muslim culture is inferior to our superior American culture or to the frog culture in smelly France even. Sorry, Congresswoman, but the great American melting pot is not a smelting bin where we separate all the inferior cultural traits to extract the true American inside everyone. Our goal is to live together as one nation, not to achieve cultural homogeneity.

Bachmann’s body of work is just prolific. This blog can’t even begin to scratch the surface of her insanity, going back to her ads against gay marriage in 2004:



to her recent paranoia over the census where she boasts of breaking the law. But some things just can’t be overlooked. Like her confusion over evolution.



Nope. No controversy. Perhaps over how the mechanisms of evolution worked over time, but not about it’s truth. There are fewer, in fact, scientific thoughts that are as widely accepted as fact than evolution. Sorry, lady. You’re wrong. But Bachmann’s ignorance of science doesn’t stop at evolution. Consider this:



or this:



There is no global warming and carbon dioxide is natural and so not dangerous. Oh...kay.... Well, arsenic is natural. Hemlock is natural. Snake venom is natural. So why don’t you chug some rat poison, chow down on some spotted cowbane and party with some rattlers and see where that gets you.* She chooses, with evolution and global warming, to ignore the scientific consensus and read from her Republican Party approved talking points memo in order to affect policy. But what can you expect from the lady that RNC Michael Steele, "be da man," or who publicly raped George Bush?


That she makes no attempt to gather facts and understand her topics, that she makes no attempt to understand the words she regurgitates for the drivel they are, that she actively promotes her criminal boycott of the Constitutionally mandated Census, that she frequently uses fear, paranoia and lies to bully her constituents and the fringe of her party, the so-called based into submission makes Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN, D6) today’s Guano Report Dump of the Day.


* NOTE: That was sarcasm. Brutal yes, but sarcasm nonetheless. Please don't leave angry comments or threaten to sue me if you're Bachmann legal counsel. I am merely making a point about the dangers of scientific ignorance, which Michele displays in spades.