The Top 3 Reasons Why John McCain Has Lost His Friggin' Mind

"You WILL turn in your homework, fatbody!"

Watch the debate? Of course you did. Everybody did. And if you're anything like me, you watched for the express purpose of discovering what new disconnected-from-reality proposal Sen. John McCain, Arizona (R) would make. I can almost hear the collective sigh from his campaign staffers. "Aw, dammit! Now we have to fudge up some stats and examples of how this stupidity will work," they say. A sigh, a theme, which has permeated each of the presidential debates and is deserving of an official Al Can Blog examination. Voici! Three reasons why John McCain has lost his friggin' head:

First it was a spending freeze, basically treating the government of the United State like a Korean dry cleaners trying to stretch every last drop of chemicals until the short term loan comes through and they can fill the coffers. Spending freeze? That's what an IT department does to mask the fact that it has operated with a deficit for the last quarter. (To all potential future employers: I have never participated in nor do I endorse budgetary shenanigans. I have a proven record of budgetary prudence and always hit my line items right on the mark.) Agreed, government spending is out of control, but the hatchet/scalpel analogy is very apt here. There are some programs that the federal government has wholly ignored funding or are really underfunded. To freeze spending would be detrimental to the economy as a whole.

Next McCain said he would direct the Secretary of the Treasury to use $300 billion to buy up bad loans and renegotiate mortgages at a reduced value. Admittedly this sounded interesting to me at first, but then that cold, blue reason stepped in and brought me to my senses. Suppose I bought my house for $250,000. I can't pay for it. The bank is sitting on a loan it can't sell right now because of the market pressures and sheer stink of my loan. So in comes the government to buy that loan of $250,000 using tax payer money. Now the market shows that my house is only worth $150,000 so the government will sell it to me at that price and I can pay off a reduced mortgage using my own money. Who got bailed out here AND at what cost? I just paid for my own house both as a taxpayer contributing to the $300 billion and the reduced mortgage and further, my investment is worthless (granted values are supposed to go up over time, but I want equity NOW). Advantage bank. Disadvantage? Taxpayers.

So then there's tonight's debate. John McCain, in talking about education, said the following:

We need to encourage programs such as Teach for America and Troops to Teachers where people, after having served in the military, can go right to teaching and not have to take these examinations which -- or have the certification that some are required in some states.

To which I respond...

What the F@&$?!?

Seriously, John? Seriously? I mean, not only are you showing me a gross lack of understanding that the "Troops to Teachers" program is designed to HELP TROOPS GET CERTIFICATIONS, but also a gross lack of understanding of what qualifies a person to be a teacher.

Mr. Lawrence, Third Grade teacher

Now just in case some readers see this as an attack on the honor and capabilities of our service men and women, let me squash that crap right now. I am very grateful to those in uniform who make sacrifices I couldn't imagine, let alone be capable of making for our country. It is not their fault that they are currently fighting in unjust and pointless wars. Wars based on lies and false pretense. I don't blame them or hold anything against them and hope that when Barack Obama brings them all home they all return fully limbed and employed. There is no better way to "support the troops" than to ensure they are cared for once their service is completed and to remove them from harm's way.

Having said that, John McCain is an idiot if he thinks this chick should go into a classroom without obtaining the proper certifications.

P.E. teacher Lyndie Englund "pals around" with students

So there you have it. As I see them the top three reasons why John McCain is an unhinged, unfit old codger. There are many reasons, but these three are enough to get any other old person declared mentally unfit to live alone. Honorable mention goes to:

1. Believing Obama supporters are calling him a terrorist at rallies.
2. "Bomb, bomb bomb. Bomb bomb Iran"
3. Taking credit for suspending his campaign to bring party leaders together and pass a bailout package which contained oodles and oodles of pork.
4. Sarah Palin, V.P. candidate
   

To me John McCain seems to be making it up as he goes along. The description of him as being "erratic" is appropriate and sadly, his actions, speeches and stances in the last several weeks have really sullied the career of someone I had considered to be a great statesman. I hope the rest of the country realizes that while his service to this nation has been great, his leadership at the highest level is not what is being demanded at this point in history.